My friend is leaving...parting words.

As many of you know, I am moving to the UK for my Master's Degree. So, for a bit of lighthearted fun, I thought I'd share some of my goodbyes to the American Church with you all. It's been a long time coming, and I am glad to be going. Comment if you want, or add your own. This is a joke in good fun btw.
PLEASE NOTE: This really is a joke. If you're offended, take solace in the fact that with comedy, only a little of it has to be true. These can be based off little no no real experience. Don't be offended!
For real. If you think it will offend you stop reading now.
15. UNQUALIFIED SENIOR PASTORS
Goodbye you nice, but misguided men, who have little to no people skills, next to no exegetical training and a very limited amount of charisma, oratory skill, and overall critical intellect. Enjoy playing 9 holes of golf a morning, spouting a bit every sunday, and sending your wife to visit sick kids. I'll miss you!
14. OVERQUALIFIED JUNIOR MINISTERS
Goodbye young, passionate youth leaders and young adult group leaders who have more training and academic prestige than your "mentors." Stay strong fighting the good fight and I hope that you find a job that will pay you enough not to default on your mammoth sized student loans. Bailout anyone? I'l miss you!
13. VERBALLY ABUSIVE MUSIC MINISTERSGoodbye people who have little to no musical skill of their own, but have a loud shouting voice and a fearsome bite. Hey, don't worry about the fact that Jesus wouldn't treat a toilet as poorly as you treat your band members/ singers. Just keep on shouting at 'em. Oh, and keep on sweating as well. You should probably get a gym membership and stop eating out on the church's tab. I'll miss you!
12. CATHOLIC BASHING
Goodbye to the idea that the "catholic" (which means united) church is a cult. I guess if you believe Mary is a divine intercessor, you are not a Christian. Bye to this ridiculousness. I'll miss you!
11. GROUP HYSTERIA
Goodbye to the rising sound of people speaking in tongues whenever the music gets louder, more emotional, or the speaker does the same. First, isn't tongues for prophesy or private use (read your bible usa). Second, doesn't the same thing happen at cult meetings and on episodes of Full House? I saw it at a Coldplay concert once too...I'll miss you!
10. DESTROYING CD'S AND DVD'S
Goodbye Ron Luce and Teen Mania, who are bent on a "cultural war" that only exists in their heads. So many dollars wasted on CD's and DVD's that he ordered to be burned. Sound 3rd Reich anyone?? Hitler seems to be alive and well. I'll miss you!
9. BIBLICAL IGNORANCE
Goodbye to people who don't read their Bibles, but try to quote scripture. So entertaining. I'll miss you!
8. "CHRISTIAN NATION"
BAHAHH goodbye to the propaganda spoken in many many churches across the USA. Note: The USA was founded by Deists folks. Do some research by objective authors, not Rod Parsley or Benny Hinn....they really don't count. I'll miss you!
7. JOEL GREGORIWhat a tool! I'll miss you Pastor!
6. DELEGATION GALOREGoodbye Pastors who "cast vision" while others do the grunt work. I think the secular world has a term for that...they call it "lazy ass" or "waste of skin." They must not understand, as they have not the Spirit within them. I'll miss you!
5. McDONALDS RUNS
Goodbye late night McDonalds runs for 6 double cheese burgers to get the creative juices flowing. Only 6 more days to get that sermon done! Gotta pound that beef. I'll miss you!
4. PENTECOSTAL CAMPS FOR TEENS
Oh where to start...from the pushing at the altar, to the mandatory 'fun,' to the wrongly told Bible stories, and to the adults screaming their prayer language in your face. I"Fall! Just fall! Just say anything, and it's tongues! It's right there!!1 Take it!!!" 'll miss you!
3. PROSPERITY DOCTRINE
Goodbye Prosperity Gospel, the get rich quick schemes that always involve you planting a "seed" of some odd number over $1,000. They have these in the secular world too...they're called pyramid schemes. If only those secular companies could call the fire of God down like you do. Maybe we wouldn't be in this recession? Divine Judgement anyone? I'll miss you!
2. PULPIT CAMPAIGNING
Goodbye Pastor's who say that Christians can't vote for __________(fill in appropriate non-conservative). Breaking the law is cool I guess. Let's pray you don't get reported to the IRS and lose your tax-exempt status.....ooops.
1. FLAG WAVING AND CRAZY DANCING
Goodbye crazy people who love to wave weird flags around during songs that say "He is Risen," whilst wearing angel outfits. Creepy. Also, bye bye to the prohibition of social dancing, but the approval of drunken medley dancing in a discoesque fashion amidst the droll tones of "Days of Elijah"o r "Friend of God." If God were at this party, I'm not sure He would want to dance with you. Try in front of a mirror first. Yikes. I'll miss you!

Finding God in the mundane

Brownsville, Lakeland, Azuza Street, Youth Camp, Promise Keepers, Crusades, why are these so popular? Yes, they are incredible, beautiful movements of God but is this all God has to offer for our lives? While we are there we feel God, we experience his presence in a corporate setting and leave so pumped up, ready to change the world for God. It has been my experience that 2 weeks or so after I leave these settings I'm sunk into a deep depression. The zeal for God that burned so strong is replaced with complacency. God is no longer my first thought, God has been swallowed by the real world and I become depressed. Every time that I leave these meeting I say this time will be different, this time was truly life-changing. But it never was.
It's all too often that the church,(Christians) jump from one spiritual high to the other. the lull in between is filled with searching for the next event. I'm not sure if this was what God intended for us. Paul writes in 1st Corinthians 10:31,"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." We are called to do all things for Christ. Whether in home or shop, eating, writing, exercising, having sex, sleeping, playing video games, etc. It's in these times that we are showing our commitment to God, in the boring, the mundane, the everyday. God created us as eternal beings to share his love and his life with us. We as Christians have committed with our mouth to God but our actions and attitudes do not always fall into line with this claim. I'm writing this to myself first which is good because more than likely, I'll be the only person that reads this. God wants to be in every part of our lives, not just these big events or at church. Why?
Because he loves us. Simply put, God loves us all. Christian, people that don't believe in God, Muslims, Hindu people, everyone. and he loves us all equally. Think about how beautiful that thought is. Constantly we reject him, (I'm referring to Christians here) we reject him in our actions by putting him on the back burner, on the shelf until we need him. Try and visualize this. Boy meets Girl, Boy loves girl, Girl does not reciprocate. Boy never stops trying, professing his undying love for Girl, Bringing her flowers, puppies, cooking her dinner and supplying her with everything she could ever need....all for her love. Girl finally comes around and says," Okay I love you. I commit the rest of my life to you. But nothing really changes, she goes out to dinner with him once a week and on holidays, but in between those times she is dating other men. He knows this but his love is so deep that all these hurts seem to go unnoticed. He continues to love her just the way she is.
You see what I'm going for here, but how does this connect with the rest of this post? because we are called to do everything for God. Things that seem trivial or mundane are suddenly acts of worship, beautiful songs sung by the bus driver, the doctors, the baristtas and all of creation.
I'll leave you with a beautiful quote from Elizabeth Barrett Browning,

"Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware..."

I'm sick of blackberries


Thanks to Matt Huett for inspiring this. and by inspiring I mean letting me rip his thoughts off and pass them as my own

My Biggest Fear

I'm scared of a lot of things...bees for one. Man, I hate bees, I love honey in tea but that's about as far as it goes. They seem to be out to get me the way they fly around my face. Nothing but little jerks is what they are. I'm scared of being held to a rigid schedule. I start to sweat and I get hives, it's a generally unattractive look. My biggest fear however isn't from outside influences, I'm most scared of my faith.
I've studied my faith and other religions for the past 6 years and I am totally afraid that I'm wrong. I'm not doubting Christianity, it just seems like our religion is divided. I've spent my entire life attending an assembly of God church. I've visited all the other denominations and I've heard the ridicule of Pentecostals. In my own church I hear the jokes about Baptists, (not sure why it's always baptists, it just is). I've been inspired recently by the "emerging church" It's not another denomination, instead it's a beautiful way of viewing our faith. It's living the life that Jesus lived. It's loving people regardless of their social standing, their looks, their faith, their sexuality, or any other reason. I think it's great, it's inspired me to get involved with missions work around the world and for the first time in my life I'm tithing. I honestly look forward to tithing! It's something that has never happened before.
The fear that I have is that many Christians have attacked the emergent church as heretical. That we are against the traditional church, and that couldn't be any farther from the truth. I for one love the church, I want the Church to grow and thrive for a long time. I criticize the church because I love it. It's became a place of tradition and legalism that pushes anyone different away. Intellectuals are looked down upon, homosexuals are demons, and democrats are Satan manifest. This isn't what I thought Christianity was all about, and this is my biggest fear. Did I get the bible wrong, is it a book of love or is it a book that tells you what not to do if you want to get into heaven. I'm scared that I'm wrong, and if I'm wrong I'm even more scared of what that means.

With apologies to apologetics

Apologetics is basically the study on defending your faith. It's a major at most Christian universities, a major in arguing your faith to someone who does not call themselves christian. Does no one other than me see a problem with this? The idea that we understand the God of all creation and the interpretation of his word is foolish and cocky. Even within our own religion we can't agree, should we speak in tongues, sprinkle or dunk, once saved always saved etc. Each church has their own ideas, and not only that they think that all other interpretations are "missing God". Our religion is based on the idea that we serve a God who is bigger and better than anything we can describe or imagine, and even when God became flesh and died for US is in itself an act of love that we cannot comprehend. Think about a newborn and his mother, the infant doesn't understand the idea of a mother or who the person holding him is, all that this child knows is that someone loves him and is holding him. Same is true for Christians the importance of God holding us is not contingent upon us understanding him but rather just to be held. Isn't that more important than proving yourself to be correct?

Jesus is coming soon, I hope he brings chips.

REPENT THE END IS NEAR! ALL THE SIGNS SHOW THAT CHRIST IS COMING BACK VERY SOON! TURN TO CHRIST BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

We've all heard that our entire lives. Jesus has been coming back since he left us, and true with every passing day his return is drawing nearer. However, to live your life with the attitude that you should be a good person or a "good Christian" just because Jesus is coming soon, misses the point of Christianity entirely. As Christians it is our duty to show God to everyone we meet. But standing on a street corner yelling at people telling them they are going to hell is not showing the true nature of God. True, these people are talking ABOUT God but they are not showing God in his endless love. As I've stated before, these fear tactics do not, in my opinion create a true Christian. By true Christian I mean, someone who is truly running after Gods heart. Treating Christianity as an escotology as opposed to a way of living your life is a sad practice that many Christians partake in.
Now do I think that we should disregard the entire book of Revelation? No, but we in this country are viewing the "end times" as the purpose for our faith. I think we're missing the idea, the bible in it's entirety is a love note. God loves us and he wants to be close to us, simple as that. His desire, I feel, is for us to use the bible to learn the nature of God, to tell the story of how much he loved us...his creation. He sent his son to die for us, we tend to miss the grandeur of that statement. I don't have a child so I assume that I cannot grasp this concept. The best way that I can relate this to my life would be through my wife. I love my wife, she's conservative and relatively close minded so she balances me out, and I'm not sure where i would be without her. Now, let's say that someone hates me, and they are dying. Now would I allow my wife to be raped and killed in order to save this person...Hell no! For some reason we dismiss the death of Christ and the horrible way that he was killed because we've heard it all before. That's why I used rape when talking about my wife, in today's society nothing in my opinion holds a harsher connotation than rape. Crucifixion was the absolute worst they could legally do in those times. God subjected his son to the absolute worst pain imaginable for people who rejected him, simply because he loved them. That's the tale everyone should hear, when "non-Christians" are berated by Christians saying that the end times are near, that means nothing to them. If we don't believe in the god RA, then someone telling us that he is coming back and going to destroy the world holds no weight.
Again I say, I'm wrong a lot and I could also be wrong about this, but it seems like all I hear every new year is that Christ is coming back this year for a lot of reasons, and could he be...yes. However, the bible says that no man will know the hour or the day that Christ returns, so shouldn't we focus our energy on trying to find something new about the nature of god? Shouldn't we focus on trying to love people the way Christ did? Shouldn't we focus on the way Christ lived and not the way he died? Our duty is to show Christ to everyone we meet, truly showing Christ isn't quoting scripture and dogma, but instead showing love and respect to every person that we meet. That will leave them asking ,"what is different about that guy?"

thanks for reading

Teach us to hate what you hate

     Teach us to hate what you, (God) hate.  This was something that was actually spoken at my church by a visiting speaker a couple weeks ago.  Now I understand what he was saying and all but the verbiage more than anything bothered me.  I believe his point was that we should run from sin because sin separates us from God, but I'm going to use what I assume to be a slip of the tongue to shine a light on a growing trend developing in the modern american church.     

        Okay this is the extreme, Fred Phelps.  If you are unaware of who Fred Phelps is, basically he is the devil.  He is the pastor of a church in Topeka, Kansas, called the Westburo Baptist Church.  Now I should point out that this church is an independent baptist church and does no way reflect the views of the baptist church.  He is known for the slogans that he and his ministry use against people he deems sinful, including "God Hates Fags", "Thank God for Dead Soldiers", "America Is Doomed" and "Priests Rape Boys." He claims that God will punish homosexuals as well as various public figures such as Bill O'Reilly, Coretta Scott King, Ronald Reagan, Howard Dean, and anyone else whom his church considers "fag-enablers".  He uses these slogans to picket the funerals of fallen soldiers and gay and lesbian funerals.  

          Is this what the guest speaker was trying to tell our church to do?  God I hope not, and I don't for a second think that he meant it that way.  However, just the idea that God could hate...is wrong.  People have indeed based entire belief systems on god hating your lifestyle, whether it be drug addiction, homosexuality, alcoholism, etc.  All my life I heard the old, "turn or burn" message, scaring people into Christianity.  Okay below is a summation of a parable by Peter Rollins which I think applies here.

200 dollar conversions:

     One afternoon  two friends were walking down the road to the pub.  On the way they pass a church whose marquee states, "Convert to Christianity receive $200".  The two friends look to each other and one says," Hey, you wait here. I'll go inside and get the $200 then we can drink for free tonight.".  So he goes in while his friend waits outside.  Thirty minutes pass and finally the first friend comes out.  When he approaches his friend, the friend who has been waiting says anxiously," Well, did it work?  Did they give you the $200?".  With a slow shake of his head the first friend reaches out his hand and places it on his friends shoulder, looks at him with a look of understanding and says," Money, is that all you non-Christians think about?"

     Now this is stupid I'm aware, the idea that someone will truly become a Christian for $200 is asinine.  But, is it any more stupid to say that someone will want to create and care for a relationship with God only to save themselves from hell?  This technique only creates "vampire Christians", not true relationships.  My God is a God of love and acceptance, he loves you just the way you are.  

      Picture a 3 year old little boy, playing outside in his backyard.  Today, he's decided to dig a hole, no particular reason....other than to dig a hole. (sometimes you just need a hole.)  His parents are watching their little boy be, well, a little boy.  He looks up with dirt in his hair, dirt in his nails and he notices his parents watching him and overcome with joy from the attention runs inside, past the kitchen, down the hallway and into his fathers study.  Now does the Father yell at him and tell him to go and clean up and clean the mess he just made in his house?  Or, does he beckon his son to come sit in his lap?  God, at least the God that I know scoops you up and cradles you in his arms.  Sometimes the world is too hard, this past year I've had my father grandmother and two aunts die.  I've lived in three states and left all my friends.  This year more than ever I needed my father, I needed him to tell me how to work at the family business, how to remodel my kitchen and how to cope with the loss of him.  It's comforting knowing that my God is waiting for me to crawl on his lap, cry and scream into his chest and he will protect me from anything that is going to happen.  That he will give me the strength to persevere.  If I'm wrong about this....and God is a God that judges me when I sin, the casts me away if I'm struggling with something in my life, then I don't want to be a Christian.

       Teach us to hate what you hate,  perhaps I have it wrong.  As with most things I write I'm aware that more than likely I am wrong, but I follow a God of love.  In God's eyes I believe there is nothing that could separate us from his love.  One thing I speak on regularly in our youth services is love.  We should be examples of God's love everywhere we go.  I believe that in a Christian's eyes there should be no Homosexuality or Heterosexuality, Alcoholic or Drug addict, Popular or Unpopular, Rich or Poor, Christian or Non Christian, they are all people, and deserve love and respect.

       I understand that it's a stretch to use the slip of the tongue to compare this speaker to Fred Phelps, however if I didn't get this off my chest I would still be talking to my wife about this...she's tired of hearing it I'm sure.

Discontentment with Christian Music and T-Shirts?

Or perhaps to be a bit more precise,
discontentment with the label.
Angered not with the "record label" per say,
but rather, the idea, the classification, the genre.

What does it mean for music to be Christian?
Can music know Christ, or tell me,
can music be filled with God?
It's a strange question perhaps,
but one that, begs to be answered.
In a world, in love with compartmentalizing,
examining phrases that fosters dissection, needs to happen.
After all, the Hebrew word "Shalom" 
is most accurately translated, "wholeness."

You see a Christian is a person, not an adjective.
A Christian is a God knower,
or as the Romans use to say, a "little Christ."
To be a Christian, is to be a follower, a believer,
an ambassador, a Spirit-filled,
wind-blown, unpredictable, grace-giving,
broken hearted child of God
who has been demolished, denied,
broken down and put back
together again, all by the sheer weight 
of the glory of the grace of God,
made known to us by the blood of Jesus, shed on the cross.
"Christian" is not a marketing scheme.

Breath mints cannot be Christian.
Bumper stickers cannot be Christian.
Genres cannot be Christian.
Only people can be Christians. 
Nothing else.

Jon Foreman (Switchfoot) 
talk about such things at a concert,
during an acoustic performance in 
His words were hammers.

During a pause mid-way through,
an interviewer came to the stage 
and asked him some questions, about the band,
the songs, and the vision. 
And when asked why he wanted to cross over to the
"secular" market, Jon simply replied with an answer 
that seemed to baffle the man with the cue cards.

"Well, I guess, you'll have to first define the word secular for me,
because, quite frankly, we may all be thinking very different
things when we say that...But you know,
its always been my understanding that as Christians, 
it isn't about the secular vs. non-secular,
but rather, the secular vs. the sacred.
We haven't decided to "go secular," as you put it,
but rather, we just try to go play where people are.
As Christians, we are no longer just people, we are 
a temple. A dwelling of the Spirit of God, and we are,
in fact, well...sacred.
And now, the places that we go, though they may
have once been secular, as some call it, well, 
if we're there, and God is indeed in us, then, well,
that place has become, "a sacred place." 
Wherever we go, we bring sacred with us. 
Whether it be your church, the House of Blues, 
or your local coffee shop, we are always with God,
and we're bringing him wherever we go.
And when you start to look at it this way, secular starts becoming
a whole lot smaller, and sacred becomes a whole lot bigger."

They will not know us by our t-shirts,
our music, or our bookstores.
They will know us by our love.

In every area of life,
we must be very careful before we start
calling something, "Christian."
Some of the worst atrocities in all of history
were committed under that guise.
We are Christians.
Not our merchandise.

"A spiritually vigorous saint 
never believes that his circumstances 
simply happen at random, 
nor does he ever think of his life 
as being divided into the secular and the sacred."
-Oswald Chambers

let us fight against compartments….- Just spreading the words of a wise man…
Written By Joel Gregori

Obesity and Jesus

As a teenager I started smoking. In retrospect I'm aware that this was not the best of ideas, however like most smokers past and present I have plenty of excuses why I started...i.e. my friends smoked, I grew up watching my father smoke, I wanted to be popular. As I grew older the excuses were still there, I'm addicted, it helps me deal with stress, and I just simply enjoy it. Recently I have stopped smoking but it's not something that I have fully overcome. My reason for quitting smoking was a simple one... I was tired of hearing my wife tell me to quit. Her reasons seemed to be endless but the most valid of all her points was that it was unhealthy. I had no argument for that it was clearly damaging my body, and as a christian I've always been told that we are to keep our temple,"our body" clean.
During my life I was always surrounded by Christians that urged me to quit smoking, citing the same facts that this was unhealthy and therefore a sin. Honestly, I agree with them, we are consciously harming our bodies and that is a sin, do I think that God would send me to hell for smoking? No, of course not, my God is a God of love and mercy. The purpose for this blog is not to advocate smoking nor an ideology that allows Christians to disregard the desires of God simply because of his grace and we know we can,"get away with it". However, this blog is to use smoking as a jumping off point to point out the glaring hypocrisy that runs rampant in our churches and our country. Obesity.
One in every three children in America are obese, not overweight but obese. Obese by definition is having a Body Mass Index,(BMI) of over 30. In order to put this into perspective, an average 23 year old male should have around a BMI of 15 or 16, this is not an athlete but an average male, women are a bit higher than 16 but easily under 20. Obesity and weight related health problems caused over 365,000 deaths last year in America alone. This is a serious issue that is not being addressed by the modern church and therefore earned a place in this blog.
We live in a country where excess is celebrated, where extravagance is looked up to. This also translates into how we eat, because we tend to live our lives with the "what feels good to me" attitude, we view eating correct portions, and in general healthy food, as a punishment because we desire what tastes good. We set examples for our children in this as well, not only do they see us overeat but they also see us make excuses for our dangerous weight problem. Excuses for our weight problem seem as idiotic as my excuses for smoking i.e., I don't see why I should deprive myself, My entire family is big, I eat when I'm stressed, Healthy food is too expensive, etc.
As Christians we should be outraged by this epidemic...but we're not we support it. Not necessarily in word but in practice, our pulpits are filled with "larger than life" preachers who preach against harming your body with drugs and cigarettes, but then after service pile their plate higher than the tower of babel at the potluck dinner. The hypocrisy has to be evident to more people than just me. Again do I think that God would "send them to hell" over their weight?, of course not. But are they being examples of Christ in their actions? again of course not. We are called to be examples of Christ not just in what we say but how we live our lives, and that includes how we eat. I realize by the way that this silly little blog isn't going to change our country or our modern church, but maybe it will change one person. I'm also not cold hearted, I realize that it is a very difficult habit to break but it could be something that could save your life.
God loves us just the way we are, that's a given. I'm not trying to say that obese people are bad people, just someone with a bad habit much like my fight with smoking. I was just hoping to be a voice of reason from the Christian perspective, its damaging to your body and it's a silly thing to die over...or to lose a foot over.

If you're reading this please pray for my grandfather, he has, over his life developed horrendous eating habits and now it seems that he will be losing one of his feet due to his struggle with diabetes.

Written By: Joshua Parker

Revolutionary Christians: an introduction

An introduction:The title alone invokes both negative and positive connotations depending on which side of the liberal/conservative discussion you find yourself on, both of which are equally grandiose in their implications ( I rarely find an opportunity to use those words). But this blog is an opportunity to use the veil of the internet to be a bit more ambiguous in my points. As I write this I'm struck with a question of purpose, is this blog going to do nothing more than gratify myself by getting people to tell me that they agree with me or perhaps sway some people to my way of thinking, or is it a true and humble search to find my God? Of course I like to assume the latter but I suppose that is a question better answered in retrospection. If nothing else this will be a selfish opportunity to get some issues (be them perceived or real) about the modern church and viewpoints held by people within the church off my chest. I doubt that anyone will ever read this but I still feel I should preface this blog by saying I am not an educated opinion on theology nor am I cocky enough to think that I can fully understand the nature of God and the way that he feels about very complex issues. I hope that the rest of this blog will cause thoughts if you agree or disagree with me is not the issue, but rather do you know why you agree or disagree with me. Either way that you feel at least you are thinking about your relationship with god and maybe just to prove me wrong you meditate on the lord and he shows you one new and wonderful thing about him. That would be awesome.

This blog will not just include posts by me, but also friends that I have came in contact with throughout my life. Each one of these individuals have changed my life, and I hope that everyone that reads this blog will enjoy their opinions,(be them inflammatory at times) as much as I do.