My friend is leaving...parting words.

As many of you know, I am moving to the UK for my Master's Degree. So, for a bit of lighthearted fun, I thought I'd share some of my goodbyes to the American Church with you all. It's been a long time coming, and I am glad to be going. Comment if you want, or add your own. This is a joke in good fun btw.
PLEASE NOTE: This really is a joke. If you're offended, take solace in the fact that with comedy, only a little of it has to be true. These can be based off little no no real experience. Don't be offended!
For real. If you think it will offend you stop reading now.
15. UNQUALIFIED SENIOR PASTORS
Goodbye you nice, but misguided men, who have little to no people skills, next to no exegetical training and a very limited amount of charisma, oratory skill, and overall critical intellect. Enjoy playing 9 holes of golf a morning, spouting a bit every sunday, and sending your wife to visit sick kids. I'll miss you!
14. OVERQUALIFIED JUNIOR MINISTERS
Goodbye young, passionate youth leaders and young adult group leaders who have more training and academic prestige than your "mentors." Stay strong fighting the good fight and I hope that you find a job that will pay you enough not to default on your mammoth sized student loans. Bailout anyone? I'l miss you!
13. VERBALLY ABUSIVE MUSIC MINISTERSGoodbye people who have little to no musical skill of their own, but have a loud shouting voice and a fearsome bite. Hey, don't worry about the fact that Jesus wouldn't treat a toilet as poorly as you treat your band members/ singers. Just keep on shouting at 'em. Oh, and keep on sweating as well. You should probably get a gym membership and stop eating out on the church's tab. I'll miss you!
12. CATHOLIC BASHING
Goodbye to the idea that the "catholic" (which means united) church is a cult. I guess if you believe Mary is a divine intercessor, you are not a Christian. Bye to this ridiculousness. I'll miss you!
11. GROUP HYSTERIA
Goodbye to the rising sound of people speaking in tongues whenever the music gets louder, more emotional, or the speaker does the same. First, isn't tongues for prophesy or private use (read your bible usa). Second, doesn't the same thing happen at cult meetings and on episodes of Full House? I saw it at a Coldplay concert once too...I'll miss you!
10. DESTROYING CD'S AND DVD'S
Goodbye Ron Luce and Teen Mania, who are bent on a "cultural war" that only exists in their heads. So many dollars wasted on CD's and DVD's that he ordered to be burned. Sound 3rd Reich anyone?? Hitler seems to be alive and well. I'll miss you!
9. BIBLICAL IGNORANCE
Goodbye to people who don't read their Bibles, but try to quote scripture. So entertaining. I'll miss you!
8. "CHRISTIAN NATION"
BAHAHH goodbye to the propaganda spoken in many many churches across the USA. Note: The USA was founded by Deists folks. Do some research by objective authors, not Rod Parsley or Benny Hinn....they really don't count. I'll miss you!
7. JOEL GREGORIWhat a tool! I'll miss you Pastor!
6. DELEGATION GALOREGoodbye Pastors who "cast vision" while others do the grunt work. I think the secular world has a term for that...they call it "lazy ass" or "waste of skin." They must not understand, as they have not the Spirit within them. I'll miss you!
5. McDONALDS RUNS
Goodbye late night McDonalds runs for 6 double cheese burgers to get the creative juices flowing. Only 6 more days to get that sermon done! Gotta pound that beef. I'll miss you!
4. PENTECOSTAL CAMPS FOR TEENS
Oh where to start...from the pushing at the altar, to the mandatory 'fun,' to the wrongly told Bible stories, and to the adults screaming their prayer language in your face. I"Fall! Just fall! Just say anything, and it's tongues! It's right there!!1 Take it!!!" 'll miss you!
3. PROSPERITY DOCTRINE
Goodbye Prosperity Gospel, the get rich quick schemes that always involve you planting a "seed" of some odd number over $1,000. They have these in the secular world too...they're called pyramid schemes. If only those secular companies could call the fire of God down like you do. Maybe we wouldn't be in this recession? Divine Judgement anyone? I'll miss you!
2. PULPIT CAMPAIGNING
Goodbye Pastor's who say that Christians can't vote for __________(fill in appropriate non-conservative). Breaking the law is cool I guess. Let's pray you don't get reported to the IRS and lose your tax-exempt status.....ooops.
1. FLAG WAVING AND CRAZY DANCING
Goodbye crazy people who love to wave weird flags around during songs that say "He is Risen," whilst wearing angel outfits. Creepy. Also, bye bye to the prohibition of social dancing, but the approval of drunken medley dancing in a discoesque fashion amidst the droll tones of "Days of Elijah"o r "Friend of God." If God were at this party, I'm not sure He would want to dance with you. Try in front of a mirror first. Yikes. I'll miss you!